I'm Resolving to Magically Become Better

Sorry to make this all about me for a second, but if I publish my New Year's resolutions for the world* to see, maybe I'll feel more obligated to follow them.

*almost literally according to Google Analytics but, you know, 

mostly the US and with some noticeable exceptions 

(what's your problem, Greenland?)

I've broken my resolutions into two parts, since I have so freaking many. My personal resolutions are pretty short and sweet, I think.

1. Be less selfish
I like to think of my self as an unselfish person. I have a sponsor child, I contribute monthly to Greenpeace and Amnesty International, as well as a couple activist organizations. But, if I'm being honest, all that proves is that I work in New York City and have poor resistance to people with clipboards.

It pains me to admit this but, after Hurricane Sandy, when many of my friends were volunteering their time in Staten Island, The Rockaways, and New Jersey, I was just enjoying some peace and quiet. I can't explain why I didn't feel motivated to help. Actually, it might be related to some bad volunteer experiences I had in the past, or it could be that I'm too happy.

Anyway, I think for my personal growth I need to volunteer or maybe just do nice things for my grandparents. Goals should be quantifiable and obtainable, so let's say... volunteer / do something nice (that requires effort) for someone else (Tom doesn't count) 10 times this year.

2. Be nicer to Daddy
Poor old man. You, lovers and friends, know more than anyone how much I complain about him. Not that he doesn't deserve it sometimes.

I'm nice to him most of the time but sometimes I feel the need to snub him when he's babying me too much. Why do I do that? I can't really quantify this one but let's make it my goal to be rude to him as close to zero times as I can.

3. Stick to monthly budget
Ugh, money. I've been kind of bad since moving home, because I think "I'm sacrificing my freedom, so I should be allowed to spend whatever, right?" Not like I'm obsessed with shopping, but I take liberties with buying egg sandwiches, tea, lunch... which adds up in New York, or probably anywhere.

I just need to remind myself that the more money I spend, the longer I have to live at home.


Feedback? What are your resolutions?

Blog Sitcom, Ep. 1: "With Mediocre Blogging Comes Mediocre Responsibility"

INT. ART MUSEUM - NIGHT

Jill is at the NYU Stern Alumni holiday party. She approaches her friend TATIANA, who is standing at the bar.

Jill

Hi Tatia-- Ooh cheese!

Jill greedily loads up her cocktail napkin.

Tatiana

Your last post was on December first.

Jill looks up, surprised. Through a cheese cube wedged in her teeth, she squeaks out...

Jill

Huh?

Tatiana

Your last post was on December first.

Jill stares blankly for a second as she chews, then finally swallows.

Jill

You read my blog?

Tatiana

I checked it twice today. I’m bored at work.

Jill

That’s so exciting! I have another reader!

Tatiana sternly stares at Jill.

Jill

                       (smile fades)

Sorry. I’m aware that I haven’t posted since December first. I’m trying, believe me, but I’m having trouble.

Tatiana holds Jill’s gaze, not letting her off the hook.

Jill

                       (nervously)

See, what happened was...

Another friend, OUI, joins them as Jill continues.

Jill

...I wanted to write a post about my top 5 Christmas sitcom episodes, but I can’t find the clips online because of copyright and stuff, you know?

Oui

Yeah, totally.

Tatiana turns her stern gaze on Oui.

Tatiana

You don’t have a blog.

Oui

                       (confused)

No, I don’t... sorry?

Jill

I swear, I spent 3 hours looking for clips.

Tatiana

                   Uh huh.

Jill

...and next I want to write about Daddy’s living room but I need a picture and...

Tatiana

Oh, leave your poor father alone.

Beat. Jill is temporarily speechless.

Jill

But... that’s what the blog is about.

Tatiana

Why don’t you write about Tom?

Jill

He doesn’t do anything wrong!

Tatiana raises her eyebrows skeptically.

Jill

Ok, ok. I’ll think of something to write about Tom.

Alice Guest Post #2 - Sandy, Part I

Check out Alice's original guest post here, in case you forgot about her confusing living-at-home plight.


Sandy, Part I

Has anyone noticed that Jill’s recent posts have no mention of commuting? That’s because she completely abandoned me the last two weeks. While Jill was playing board games and rediscovering old phones I was sleeping on couches and shoving my way into packed trains.

At first I was ok with things. Worked closed, the power went out in the afternoon and I spent the evening reading by candles and drinking wine. Tuesday the lack of electric got a little old and as I drove around surveying the downed power lines I started realizing it would be a while till flicking on a light switch actually did anything. But we were lucky, trees only fell in the yard and my family was safe. 

Just as I was starting to understand the full damage of the storm work emails began flooding my inbox. I received a call from my boss briefly asking about how I was and then following up with questions regarding exhibition vinyl placement. Apparently Sotheby’s was open and this was the beginning of a bizarre juxtaposition that would last the week. See, while people had lost their homes and were without power and water the auction house was functioning as if nothing had happened; because on the Upper East Side nothing really had. I told my boss that I was fine, gave instructions on where to place the text, and assured him I’d figure out how to get in the following morning. I packed a suitcase, headed to a house with a generator and started calling friends who live uptown.

Ms. PC: She's staying in the city now while I commute alone, so I don't really want to hear her crap.

Becoming Bridge & Tunnel

Let me start by saying that the drunk train as immortalized by How I Met Your Mother's episode "The Drunk Train" is completely a thing.

HIMYM reps NYC (even if it's filmed in LA)

credit

I try not to go into the city on the weekends. Let's face it: at a certain point, even going into Manhattan from Brooklyn became a chore. But a couple times recently, I had the occasion to take the drunk train.

The most recent time was this past weekend. Rachel and I decided to be young and give in to excitedly jump on our friend Rae's invitation to go dancing.

Oh and since the LIRR is awesome, when we got to Huntington Station, we found out there were no trains from Huntington and had to take a shuttle to Hicksville. We rolled with it but the old man on the bus with us was pissed.

kind of like this... or something

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Usually I'd go for beer but, this time, my trank (train-drank) was 5 Hour Energy, which just barely lasted until we got home about 5 hours and 15 minutes later. I blame my work/commuting schedule for conditioning me to get tired early, therefore making me drink harmful caffeinated beverages when I should be drinking alcohol.

We met Rae at Culture Club. This is where I crossed the line into Bridge & Tunnel.

For those of you that aren't from here, Bridge & Tunnel (B&T) is a term we snobby New Yorkers use to refer to those overdressed drunks who are bussed (train'd) in on the weekends from such God forsaken places as New Jersey or (heaven forbid!) Long Island. B&T bars are the last place you want to be seen. And I'm pretty sure Culture Club is B&T Mecca.

Culture Club

So, why did I go? 
Was it the $25 cover? (No, I'm not joking.)
Was it the $13 drinks? (Includes a plastic souvenir cup.)
Was it the crowd? (A unique mix of bachelorette parties, middle-aged women, and a few creepy guys trying their odds with either of the above.)

The truth is: I secretly think Culture Club is fun. Bombshell.

sorry

But... ok?? 

Evidence:
1- The 80s room is akin to singing into your hairbrush with your girlfriends at a sleepover. 
2- The 90s-00s room lets me relive my high school and college dance party days. 
3- Plus, thanks to the high female-male ratio, I can mostly avoid the creeps. Except for those that came with my friends (*ahem* Rae).

That said, it bears repeating... $25 cover. Therefore, never again. Never. Um, maybe just except for a bachelorette party or something but that's it, I swear.

Happy Friday, Or, May This Infernal Week Crawl Back Into The Pits Of Hell From Which It Sprang

Rough week, dear lovers and friends (just for fun). 

On Monday I discovered a minor data error I had made at work and have been spending the rest of the week trying to undo everything that resulted from it. Funny how something tiny can blow up like that.

honey boo boo knows what I'm talkin' about

Things I've neglected this week:

• Following up with Penn Station lost & found (yes, still);
• Hitting up the pashmina guy (I got a tip that he's at 32nd and 7th);
• Unpacking;
• Various plans / calls with friends;
• Any physical activity whatsoever.

Things I have not neglected this week:

• Work;
• Eating, for the most part;
• Pissing off some girl on the LIRR by tapping her on the shoulder (still learning commuter culture).

Things I haven't even attempted but need to get on top of:

• Daddy's house. 
• That's enough of a to do list.

But my BFF Rachel is visiting this weekend so I guess I'll just drink a bunch of wine instead.

guessing it will look something like this...

Walking 4 Love

Enough complaining about commuting! For now. Despite what you may have heard (or read here) I am determined to deal with commuting better than I did when I was 22 (story for another time, perhaps). 

On Saturday I did something really cool: The Jana Piccola Walk 4Love.

pink and blue everything!

I had heard of the walk but never thought to sign up. My friend Greg told me that it was a mini HHS reunion. This did not particularly entice me. Plus I wanted to have one free weekend after all the moving and non-wacky chaos.

Greg then tried to guilt me into going but nobody can guilt me but me. Which is exactly what happened when I read this story about Jana. So I signed up and roped my friends Jenny and Erin into going as well.

you can tell we're really serious about this race

The event started at Mill Dam, which is a place that the cool kids would often mention in high school and I never knew if they were referring to Mill Dam Park or Mill Dam Road or if there was an actual dam somewhere... And I never knew why they were hanging out at whichever one of those Mill Dams they were at, except presumably to drink and smoke, and I still don't know to this day. Any former cool kids reading this, feel free to enlighten me.

There were around 600ish? people there, which seemed like a lot for this little event...

...but luckily or unluckily, the high school reunioning was kept to a minimum.

And then there were some middle aged women dancing to Gangnam Style for some reason...

Then the "race" started. Greg, his girlfriend Kristin, Erin, Jenny and I set off on a leisurely walk around the Southdown area of Huntington.

Huntington is, like, seriously beautiful sometimes

Greg had originally said that he would be embarrassed to walk, rather than run, because last year he finished the 5k in 24 minutes. (And wordsmith that he is, he managed to phrase it in a way that Kristin thought he was embarrassed to walk with her.) But, hobbled by a toe injury, he was forced to walk anyway. And I was on a stroll....

About halfway through the walk, there were kids set up outside their houses handing out water and granola bars (aw). A little while later, we got cheerleaded. I found it cute; Greg felt patronized.

go free spirits! get there when you get there!

Don't be too impressed but we managed to walk 3 miles in under an hour, which is just slower than the average person not in a race walks on a hot day going uphill.

did it!

Finally, the sweet, sweet finish line...

And the results...

at the last second, I sprinted ahead yelling "I beat Greg! I beat Greg!"

Jenny and Erin got out of being timed because they signed up on the day of. Cheaters.

Afterwards, we hung around for the medal ceremony (yes, there were medals) and then went out to lunch and cupcakes.

Sunny day walks and cupcakes? Maybe I like living in the suburbs.

On Commuting

Some thoughts on commuting...

Ok, so... I'm going to commute for a few months... possibly longer (eek!) and it's going to suck. But then I'm either going to move back into the city or, failing that, get a job on Long Island. I don't understand people for whom this is the life plan. Like, you're ok with never having a life or seeing your kids and shit?

Alice: Yeah, no. I can't. I'll just get a job curating the Hecksher Park Museum.

Aunt Kath had to commute into the city last week for training but she works on Long Island...

Aunt Kath: I don't understand it! Who are these people? Who would choose to do this everyday?
Cutie (realizing I'm right there): Yeah, it's for the young.
Aunt Kath: It's for the stupid!

Well said, Aunt Kath. Well said.

But my new blogfriend from blurtblog made me realize I should just be grateful for the option of alcohol during the commute.

Alice got fancy wine (and fancy wine glasses) for Monday's ride home

credit: Alice

So, explain it to me! What makes you ok with commuting 1.5+ hours indefinitely? Do you just love your job but can't move? Do you love where you live so much that you would never think of moving? Or, if you don't commute, feel free to rub it in my face.

I need answers, people.

First Week Commuting

A Journal.

Day 1: Did you know that it's dark out at 6am? 

yeah, I was really tired but that's a window 
(with a Christmas candle in it because my mom thinks they're for year-round)

"The first day isn't that bad. It's the second day that makes you want to die..." Alice warns.

Evening - get a ride home with Daddy. Would have been faster to take the train.

Day 2: Did you know it's cold and rainy at 6am? (sometimes)

Umbrella? Check. Coat and boots? Packed: whereabouts unknown.

Evening - resist the urge to buy beer on the platform.

Queens hotspot

Day 3: Did you know that it's even darker at 5:30am? 

Leave the house at 6:35 to be at work at 8:30.

Evening - train home smells like a urinal cake, which is preferable to alternatives.

Day 4: Snoozed 3 times.

Complete thought: Penn Station is bad for your mental and physical health.

Evening - take the 7 train the wrong way one stop. Sounds about right.

Day 5: Don't act like your'e doing me any favors, Friday.

Just can't get excited about Friday today; it was too hard-earned.

Evening - train cancelled. Do not resist the urge to buy a beer.

But first have to go to this ATM that will definitely not steal my identity.

watch the happy dancing guy :) nothing shady

You heard it here first: the cheapest beer in NYC is at the Hunters Point LIRR station.

I sprung for an imported

these are my people now

Upshot: I survived the week.

Photo Shoot Fail

Sorry for the delay in posting this week.  I was trying to get a good picture of Alice and me before I posted her intro.

This was the result...

take 1

no glasses?

with flash?

nailed it.

Alice is the least photogenic person I know and I mean that as a compliment. Not my best work either.

Update!  I had this photo on my computer the whole time!!! *smacks head*

Guest Post: Alice of Huntington

My first week of commuting would have been infinitely more miserable without the guidance of my friend and seasoned commuter, Alice. More on that later...

Alice and I have come up with a mutually beneficial arrangement whereby I get a break once in a while and Alice gets to vent her frustration without the effort of starting her own blog.

If this helps my blog go viral (which she's assured me it will) you'll be hearing more from Alice...

couldn't find a non-drunk pic of us

so why not go all out? cir. 2007

In June 2011 I decided to pack up and leave the east coast for a job at Crystal Bridges Museum in Bentonville, Arkansas to follow my dream of working in the arts. It went pretty well for a while, but for a myriad of reasons in July of 2012 I loaded all my possessions into a pod and headed back to NY.

Everyone keeps saying “Wow you must be so happy to be back!” Well, yes. And also, no. See, moving across country is really expensive and in Arkansas I paid $750 for a three bedroom two bathroom duplex. I’m not sure I could rent a closet in the south Bronx for that amount. So in order to get my finances in order I’ve moved back home.

Well, not exactly “home.” I’m living with my ex-stepfather Brian (my mother’s second husband, she’s now married to someone else) in his recently deceased ex-wife’s (the woman he was married to before my mother) house in Dix Hills. Still with me? My commute is a little over two hours each way and Brian very nicely drops me off and picks me up from the Huntington train station – kind of like when I was 12 and would go to the mall.

Soo…this is going to be interesting. At least I now have Jill to commiserate and have drinks at Tracks with.

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The Cast

In case you don't think like me for some reason (weird), you should know that I think of my life as a sitcom. Before I get any further into the story arc of this season, allow me to present the characters.

Main Characters

Jill (me) - Typical 20-something professional. I lost my burning desire to climb the corporate ladder a couple years ago but I work in a semi-important job to pay the bills. Like most people of my generation, I spend most of my time at work fantasizing about going back to college.

Tom (my husband) - A disillusioned chiropractor that actually is going back to college. But not in the fun way. Before he goes to PA school, he has to retake some of his prereqs from college because his credits expired (already? seriously?) so he's the "old" freshman on campus. He goes to school 4 days a week and works 3 days so I should just stop complaining right now. But I won't.

Daddy (my dad) - There is no need to give my dad a name other than Daddy because that is what he calls himself. Confused? You know the way a young father might talk to his two year old? "Daddy doesn't like it when you bite me." That's how my dad still talks to me. "You know Daddy's not big on birthdays." But you gotta love a guy that loves his little girls that much. 

His house is a mess but he's working on getting it cleaned up for us (at the last minute - wonder where I get it from).

Secondary Characters

Amy (my sister) - Amy has lived with us for the last 2 years in the city. She's renting a room from a girl in Queens for the time being. I'm going to miss having her around but Tom will not miss her cat Frosty and her constant shedding.

How could anyone be mad at this face?

credit: Rae

Gail (my mom) - Pretty awesome mom. Retired, lives about one mile from my dad. It's no secret that I wish we could live with her, but her house is smaller and fuller than my dad's.

Cutie (my stepdad-to-be) - Ok, his real name is Ron but my mom calls him Cutie and then my sister and I started calling him Cutie too because, I don't know, it's cute. He and my dad kind of have an Ashton-Bruce-8-years-ago thing going on, in that they get along and both cook (occasionally together) for family dinners. As a divorced kid, this is the most one can hope for.

Recurring Characters

I don't really know yet... my sister's boyfriend Ben? My mom's friend Aunt Kath that lives with her half the time? Maybe.

My friend Alice, who is also stuck living with her dad in Huntington? Definitely.

My in-laws, various Long Island friends of both Tom and me, my desperate alter-ego that attempts to manipulate a move back into the city? Probably.