Getting So Serious Right Now

Hate to burden you with my writing goals but, like I said, I need you to keep me accountable, dear lovers and friends (don't worry, you don't actually have to do anything).

My professional goals are pretty ambitious but... when you're trying to break into a super competitive field, the least you can be is ambitious, right? Right.

1. Write six spec scripts
Breaks down to two months per script. Insanely slow rate for a real TV writer but with my day job and all the other stuff I'm doing, this will definitely be a challenge. Still, I need to speed it up if I'm going to make it in a writers' room.

2. Write at least two pilots
I've got a couple ideas, including one with my high school BFF Philly. The time has come to actually write the scripts and all the other stuff that goes along with them.

2a. Film a pilot?
I saw so many awesome independent pilots at the New York Television Festival this year. I'd like to enter for 2013, but I know little about film production and it might not be feasible. But I'm trying.

3. Enter all fellowships and three festivals
There are 4 or 5 major TV writing fellowships, with the first deadline being Nickelodeon, starting this month. The good thing about the fellowships is that they all want spec scripts and I can use the same one or two for all of them.

The first festival entry is just a 90-second pitch for the Austin TV Festival, due on youtube in two weeks.

4. Create website
I need a website that has more than this blog on it. Not sure what, but something.

5. Increase blog following
If I knew how to do this one, I would've done it already. I think part of it involves migrating to wordpress, which is giving me problems. This is especially important because I've heard that studios are looking to blogs for TV content, so if I could actually make this blog happen, it could concretely help me out.

Take, for example, Myra at www.myparentsarecrazierthanyours.com, who is getting her mini-series financed based on her blog (also about living at home) and pretty much living the dream.

Bottom Line
Last year, I made it my resolution to pursue being a TV writer. I've kept it up for a whole year (a long time for me) but I've only just dipped my toe in the water. I guess my professional resolutions can be summed up as Get Serious in 2013.

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Feel free to leave me some words of encouragement. Or, you know, tell me to shut up and talk about Daddy's latest shenanigans.

Excuses For Not Cleaning

It just occurred to me that anyone reading this blog, who doesn't know me personally, might be under the misconception that I am a clean person, just because I criticize Daddy's cleanliness. Well, I'm not. I try, but I encounter problems, such as:

• It doesn't come naturally to me.
• I didn't learn proper habits until college, and then I only did it begrudgingly under the guidance of the cleaning chart my roommate Peggy made out of a paper plate.
• I'm busy.
• When I'm not busy, I'm lazy.
• I spend a lot of time writing bullet point lists.
• I'm a type B person so I don't really beat myself up for enjoying my weekends.
• I don't hate myself. In fact, I like myself so much that I find my own faults endearing, as if I'm Liz Lemon or Old Christine.

my anti-heroes

Of course, on TV, even slobs have clean houses. I mean, we slovenly viewers don't want to be forced to look at a house that looks just like ours....

Liz Lemon's Ikea furniture

Feel free to lend me your best cleaning excuses.

Blog Sitcom, Ep. 1: "With Mediocre Blogging Comes Mediocre Responsibility"

INT. ART MUSEUM - NIGHT

Jill is at the NYU Stern Alumni holiday party. She approaches her friend TATIANA, who is standing at the bar.

Jill

Hi Tatia-- Ooh cheese!

Jill greedily loads up her cocktail napkin.

Tatiana

Your last post was on December first.

Jill looks up, surprised. Through a cheese cube wedged in her teeth, she squeaks out...

Jill

Huh?

Tatiana

Your last post was on December first.

Jill stares blankly for a second as she chews, then finally swallows.

Jill

You read my blog?

Tatiana

I checked it twice today. I’m bored at work.

Jill

That’s so exciting! I have another reader!

Tatiana sternly stares at Jill.

Jill

                       (smile fades)

Sorry. I’m aware that I haven’t posted since December first. I’m trying, believe me, but I’m having trouble.

Tatiana holds Jill’s gaze, not letting her off the hook.

Jill

                       (nervously)

See, what happened was...

Another friend, OUI, joins them as Jill continues.

Jill

...I wanted to write a post about my top 5 Christmas sitcom episodes, but I can’t find the clips online because of copyright and stuff, you know?

Oui

Yeah, totally.

Tatiana turns her stern gaze on Oui.

Tatiana

You don’t have a blog.

Oui

                       (confused)

No, I don’t... sorry?

Jill

I swear, I spent 3 hours looking for clips.

Tatiana

                   Uh huh.

Jill

...and next I want to write about Daddy’s living room but I need a picture and...

Tatiana

Oh, leave your poor father alone.

Beat. Jill is temporarily speechless.

Jill

But... that’s what the blog is about.

Tatiana

Why don’t you write about Tom?

Jill

He doesn’t do anything wrong!

Tatiana raises her eyebrows skeptically.

Jill

Ok, ok. I’ll think of something to write about Tom.

Back Home Sitcom, Ep. 1

INT. NEWLYWEDS' BEDROOM - MIDDAY (SUNDAY)

Jill and Tom prepare to leave for the day. Jill puts her laptop in her purse as Tom slips on his jacket. There is a knock at the door. Jill opens it to reveal Daddy.

DADDY

Have you two been eating

in here?

JILL

(Guiltily) Um, yes.

DADDY

Daddy would really prefer

if you didn't eat in here.

This isn't college.

Jill glances at the mini fridge in the corner.

JILL

It feels like college.

DADDY

Yeah, I see that... Just 
eat in the kitchen please.

JILL

(Hangs her head) Ok...

Daddy closes the door as he leaves. Jill looks up at her husband.

TOM
(Whispers) I'm still

gonna eat in here.

The Best Very Special Episodes

As promised after yesterday's emotional roller-coaster. 

I know there are other lists elsewhere, but here is Ms. PC's personal list of the best Very Special Episodes:

1. Full House - smoking.

2. Saved By The Bell - Ok, there are so many very special episodes of SBTB, but I don't think the drunk driving episode gets enough attention.

I stopped looking for an actual clip after I found this music video for the song "Drunk Driving Lisa's Mom's Car". The episode "Jessie's Song" also makes a cameo:

3. Punky Brewster - drugs. Ok, I had no recollection before I just watched this clip that Punky Brewster actually started Just Say No Clubs in real life. It looks like all the members are adults, which is weird considering their leader is a 9 year old. 

You can start watching at about half way through if you don't love the 80's fashions and valley girl caricatures as much as I do (weird).

4. Small Wonder - drugs. Just skip to the sting operation at the very end.

5. Saved By The Bell - no hope with dope. You can google the real PSA if you don't remember for some reason (weird) but this is just funnier and super random:

A Very Special Blog Post

I hate to get serious, ever, but it's hard for me to laugh about the ridiculousness of living with my dad when I'm actually pissed off...

Daddy is nosy. My mom calls him a yenta. I mostly accept him but it's tough sometimes.

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He's been known to ask me inappropriate questions about money. I have no idea how much he makes but he thinks it's fine to ask me how much I make. Whatever.

He has repeatedly asked me, although I have told him many, many times, how much my MBA cost, how much I paid up front, and how much I owe. You know what? He paid for 20% of my graduate degree, which was generous and I did not expect, so if he really needs to know how much I owe in student loans, no big deal.

He also asks me how much I owe in credit card debt, which is patently none of his business. But, it's not that big of a deal to me. I've told my friends and it's not like I have a shopping addiction or something. I just have debt from throwing what constitutes a very modest New York wedding. So fine.

He started getting on my nerves a while ago when he told me, very cautiously at first, that, in his opinion, with a CPA and MBA, I should be making more money.

This pisses me off not because it's nosy, but because it proves that he doesn't know me at all.

Yes, if I sold my soul and went back to public accounting, I could be making a few tens of thousands more than I'm making now. But let's look at the costs:

• Dreams of becoming a writer. (No time to write when you're working every night and weekends.)
• Free time to spend with family, friends and husband.
• Mental and physical health.

Maybe he doesn't care about my writing dreams or free time but the mental health part is non-negotiable. I literally had a nervous breakdown and spiraled into depression at my old job. Guess what? If you can't get out of bed in the morning, your income prospects are severely limited.

Sorry, this is getting really personal. Anyway...

And he seems to think Tom's finances are his business too. So the other day, he's talking to me about how I should really be saving money for a house (because that's all a married woman can dream of, right? No chance I might want to have flexibility to travel?) and I'm nodding and he says:

"And Tom is talking about going to the Olympics in Russia, and I'm like 'Dude, you have $XXX in debt.'"

[Silence.]

Seriously, what the fuck? Does he really think I'm going to take his side over my husband's? And yes, our student loan debt is astronomical. Yes, it's terrible and it's going to take forever to pay off, but what are you saying? We're not allowed to travel for the next 30 years? And I don't even want to go to Russia but he's turning me into a rebellious teenager and now I want to go out of spite!

So I'm stewing, and he continues on about how we'd be surprised how much money we can save if we really try [Trust me, living with Daddy IS trying!] and then he says "You know, it seems to me that you should both be making more money." Enough!!!!

So I say "Daddy, you know, you're getting a little nosy."

And he says "Well, you're living rent-free in my house."

Oh! Didn't know his offer to live with him came with strings attached! 

This is bullshit. Yes, I'm lucky to have him. But I also have a mom and a mother-in-law and a husband's aunt with an empty apartment in Brooklyn and friends and enough money that I could still live on my own (if I never want to pay off my credit card debt) so, you know? Shit, fuck it.

I am tempted to just move out now but Tom is really sick of moving.

I guess I have to have the talk... you know the one, accompanied by sappy music at the end of any very special episode.

Really, my dad just wants to help me make my life perfect. Too bad I've got my own ideas.

Sorry for getting so real with you guys.  To counterbalance this very special post, tomorrow I will post a list of Ms. PC's personal favorite very special episodes.

Becoming Bridge & Tunnel

Let me start by saying that the drunk train as immortalized by How I Met Your Mother's episode "The Drunk Train" is completely a thing.

HIMYM reps NYC (even if it's filmed in LA)

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I try not to go into the city on the weekends. Let's face it: at a certain point, even going into Manhattan from Brooklyn became a chore. But a couple times recently, I had the occasion to take the drunk train.

The most recent time was this past weekend. Rachel and I decided to be young and give in to excitedly jump on our friend Rae's invitation to go dancing.

Oh and since the LIRR is awesome, when we got to Huntington Station, we found out there were no trains from Huntington and had to take a shuttle to Hicksville. We rolled with it but the old man on the bus with us was pissed.

kind of like this... or something

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Usually I'd go for beer but, this time, my trank (train-drank) was 5 Hour Energy, which just barely lasted until we got home about 5 hours and 15 minutes later. I blame my work/commuting schedule for conditioning me to get tired early, therefore making me drink harmful caffeinated beverages when I should be drinking alcohol.

We met Rae at Culture Club. This is where I crossed the line into Bridge & Tunnel.

For those of you that aren't from here, Bridge & Tunnel (B&T) is a term we snobby New Yorkers use to refer to those overdressed drunks who are bussed (train'd) in on the weekends from such God forsaken places as New Jersey or (heaven forbid!) Long Island. B&T bars are the last place you want to be seen. And I'm pretty sure Culture Club is B&T Mecca.

Culture Club

So, why did I go? 
Was it the $25 cover? (No, I'm not joking.)
Was it the $13 drinks? (Includes a plastic souvenir cup.)
Was it the crowd? (A unique mix of bachelorette parties, middle-aged women, and a few creepy guys trying their odds with either of the above.)

The truth is: I secretly think Culture Club is fun. Bombshell.

sorry

But... ok?? 

Evidence:
1- The 80s room is akin to singing into your hairbrush with your girlfriends at a sleepover. 
2- The 90s-00s room lets me relive my high school and college dance party days. 
3- Plus, thanks to the high female-male ratio, I can mostly avoid the creeps. Except for those that came with my friends (*ahem* Rae).

That said, it bears repeating... $25 cover. Therefore, never again. Never. Um, maybe just except for a bachelorette party or something but that's it, I swear.

Quick Life Update + Beyonce

I apologize that my posts have been a little less frequent but I have good reasons, which are:

a) I'm moving;

b) I'm working on script writing; and

c) I left my bag on the LIRR that had a bunch of Tom heads in it (another story) and also my memory card reader so now I can't get all the awesome blog photos that I've been taking off my camera and there's only a Staples Express by my office and they sell cameras and memory cards but not memory card readers and I should have just ordered another one on Amazon but I was dumb enough to think the LIRR Lost & Found might function as intended and ugghhhh....

But I promise to all my loyal readers (I know you are out there even though you never leave comments or any trace of your existence but then when I talk to you in person you tell me you're reading so I'll take your word for it) that I will get out at least two posts a week. And this one doesn't count.

This has been a very train-of-thoughty announcement.

And now, a photo collage of Beyonce from Saturday's Jay Z show at the Barclay's Center...

Ms. PC ♥ Ms. KC

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MTV has an awesome photo gallery that I was afraid to steal from. More about the concert later.

The Cast

In case you don't think like me for some reason (weird), you should know that I think of my life as a sitcom. Before I get any further into the story arc of this season, allow me to present the characters.

Main Characters

Jill (me) - Typical 20-something professional. I lost my burning desire to climb the corporate ladder a couple years ago but I work in a semi-important job to pay the bills. Like most people of my generation, I spend most of my time at work fantasizing about going back to college.

Tom (my husband) - A disillusioned chiropractor that actually is going back to college. But not in the fun way. Before he goes to PA school, he has to retake some of his prereqs from college because his credits expired (already? seriously?) so he's the "old" freshman on campus. He goes to school 4 days a week and works 3 days so I should just stop complaining right now. But I won't.

Daddy (my dad) - There is no need to give my dad a name other than Daddy because that is what he calls himself. Confused? You know the way a young father might talk to his two year old? "Daddy doesn't like it when you bite me." That's how my dad still talks to me. "You know Daddy's not big on birthdays." But you gotta love a guy that loves his little girls that much. 

His house is a mess but he's working on getting it cleaned up for us (at the last minute - wonder where I get it from).

Secondary Characters

Amy (my sister) - Amy has lived with us for the last 2 years in the city. She's renting a room from a girl in Queens for the time being. I'm going to miss having her around but Tom will not miss her cat Frosty and her constant shedding.

How could anyone be mad at this face?

credit: Rae

Gail (my mom) - Pretty awesome mom. Retired, lives about one mile from my dad. It's no secret that I wish we could live with her, but her house is smaller and fuller than my dad's.

Cutie (my stepdad-to-be) - Ok, his real name is Ron but my mom calls him Cutie and then my sister and I started calling him Cutie too because, I don't know, it's cute. He and my dad kind of have an Ashton-Bruce-8-years-ago thing going on, in that they get along and both cook (occasionally together) for family dinners. As a divorced kid, this is the most one can hope for.

Recurring Characters

I don't really know yet... my sister's boyfriend Ben? My mom's friend Aunt Kath that lives with her half the time? Maybe.

My friend Alice, who is also stuck living with her dad in Huntington? Definitely.

My in-laws, various Long Island friends of both Tom and me, my desperate alter-ego that attempts to manipulate a move back into the city? Probably.